As introduction

Recently I've felt the necessity of having a diary account for making enteries in English only. What is the motive? "To polish my English" as one of my teachers used to say, and to use my "active vocabulary".

In this diary I am going to put down all the information which I suppose absorbing: some short book/film reviews, my daily routine, my studies, my hobbies, my dreams and etc. More or less I'll cover all the above-mentioned topics.

So please, comrades, if you consider any of my posts worth commenting on, will you do it in English? And one more thing: if you see any mistake / a slip of the pen, or know more frequently used equivalents for this or that word, would you please correct me!

Thank you beforehand!

@темы: English, active vocabulary, learning English


Studying again

Today I have not had an opportunity of writing down anything that can be of interest to me or any passer-by. But I've got a convincing excuse - homework. I've spent the whole day driving myself hard - every now and then I take such pains as to stuff into my head as much as possible. The question is: why does everyone have a right for a day-off, at least once a week, and I don't?
Now I am in quite a strange, though habitual, state: a mist before my eyes and an absolute mess in my mind. How am I going to study tomorrow?..

@темы: exhausted


I planned this diary as an exceptionally positive and cheerful one, but I've failed so far.

Today was a wretched day: first of all, I didn't get enough sleep - four hours definitely does not satisfy the necessities of one's organizm; then something on the railway cross broke down and there grew an appaling traffic jam. It goes without saying that I missed my train and by mistake got on the last one before the gap in the train schedule which brought me to the station I needed least of all. Then a reflection of my misery, loneliness and unrequited love flooded me with such unbearable pain that I burst into tears right in the ampty carriage.

How devastated I feel now. At the same time it comforts me to know that my anguish and tears, and my disgraceful weakness will remain anonymous and somewhere behind the scenes...

@музыка: Sirenia - Lost in life

@настроение: down

@темы: lost in life


I'm not able to work! At all! Our dearest teachers seem to take delight in giving us so much to do, and no matter how frustrated we are, we have to comply with their demands. Ces't la vie.
But I've gone too far in my complaints. I've got exactly what I wanted: driven like a slave. So it's better to think of something more pleasant. The holidays, for instance! Have been looking through the summer photos, and there's definitely something to remember and to laugh at.
And you know, such an awful year like mine is worth suffering, if you are finally sent to the seaside and almost for free.


OMG, what for?

Though petty may it seem to you, but it was a great blow for me, and I'm still eaten up with hatred. What on earth did I think of when I gave her my priceless notebook? I should have guessed long before what a deceitful blasted bitch thing she is. She must have felt not a single pang of remorse. She can deceive one all right - she can do it with a wet finger. I only wonder why I acted in such a flippant childish way.. Now she is practically equipped with the information she did not care to put down during last year. And me... Pressured to copy the whole thing again. Oh God, what for???
Damn it all...

@настроение: fury

@темы: fury


Cry your heart out, for it's the only thing worth doing now. Your broken dreams cost nothing. Nor is your bleeding soul blind with anguish...

@темы: feelings


Another turn

World is no longer the same, it alters faster than I become aware of the changes. I turn around to look at the "yesterday" and realize how much I passed within several hours. Every day's like a new life, very much alike the previous one, but in some way different.

Poor Valentine! Life is hard on her... As well as on me. But it took her down a peg or two to get the real picture of her prospects. Now she sees the only way to succeed is to work. I, rather relentlessly, promised her I'd drive her like a slave. The main thing for me is to see that my lessons do help.

Wish us luck ))

@темы: English, private


Mourning for.....

This post is devoted to one of the best people I've ever known.

It's been a long time sice his tragic death. But now I can distinctly feel that it put its seal on my soul. No wonder it did. Though my father's friend, not mine, he was dear to me, I was taken by his good-humoured nature, his breeziness, flamboyance and attractive exuberance. He was always kind, generous, courageous, virile, rougish and a bit recless - I can count all the traits which mark a real Man and were so characteristic of him. The news of his death was terrible. It was like a poisonous liquid floating in my veins, circulating in my system, devastating, destroying me and all my naive illusions.

Now, there's no hope in my heart, here dwells black despair. He's gone for ever...

@музыка: Тэм Гринхилл - Нагадала нам судьба

@темы: death, mourning


Another day of my life

The whole day may be described as quite positive and cheerful despite the unpleasant waking up. Actually, it can't possibly be the other way round takin to account my staying up late.

The best thing about today is my great find! Finally, I came across I knew I was destined to several books indispensable for my report. Two of them entirely devoted to "gender" and "gender psychology". You may call me whatever you want, but I in some curious way feel that learning and teaching foreign languages are not the things to occupy my whole future. They will become, or at least I hope they will, a means to broaden my "horizon".

Is the everlasting chain of misfortunes finally over? Let's hope so. And meanwhile...

Time to love, time to hate,
Time to live and to create.

Here, in the two simpliest lines are my Love, Hope and Joy. Warm summers are always followed by snowy winters and vice versa. So I shall be delighted to accept this changeable world as it is. For I'll always have an ample opportunity to quote the wretched Byron and his miserable "adieus".

@темы: English, daily routine, gender


Now that I'm reflecting on my life and life on the whole, as never before, it seems to be made up of disappointments. I must have crossed some transit point which divided my lifelong torture into two unequal portions. The second one is more painfull but less naive. Now everytime I set my mind on doing something tremendously important I realize It's all in vain. But it's better any way. Now I see there's no good building up castles in the air.
Life's being sort of a wash-out for me.
And there's another point. Hatred and malice seem to be floating in the air infecting me with exhaustion and despair. Damn it all. Damn you all.

@музыка: A love ends a suicide - Cold Summer



Hombre, soy legumbre! Me parece que estoy enferma! Qué horor! Mi cabeza me duele y me hace frío. Mis amigos siempre me dicen que no pienso en mi salud... ¡Es la verdad! Pero no puedo hacer nada. Cada vez cuando qiero dormir a la medianoche y no me acuesto, mi madre suele decirme que estoy loca. Aunqe siempre tengo mucho que hacer. Es que no es fácil estudiar en mi Universidad que, de todos modos, mucho qiero...

@темы: estoy enferma?, Espanol, &#191


"God particle"

In some way it reminds me of the movie "Angels and Demons", the "God particle".. The only question occurs to me: «is it really true?» And probably one more: «Where will it lead us to?»

@темы: science


¡Vaya! ¡Qué tonta estoy! Me parece que he hecho todo para merecerlo.. Este dolor lleva mucho tiempo preocupándome, pero para recibir una indulgencia de mis pecados — pocos y grandes, tengo que sufrir. Mi vida se hizo bastante confusa y no puedo encontrar la explicación de mi conducta.
Es una mezcla extraña de alegría y desesperación.

@темы: ol!, Vamos a hablar en Espa&#241, &#161


¡Es estupendo, amigos! Lo sento bien y he decidido hacer todo lo que puedo. Tendremos mucho que superar y espero que nunca diré: "Haber lo pensado mejor antes de hacerlo"

@музыка: Ray Charles - Hit the Road Jack

@настроение: alegría total, hombre LOL


Let's hope for the better...

Oh God, it's just terrible! This uncertainty wears me out, and I feel like crying out something outrageously profane and divinely humble at the same time. Don't know how long I'll endure . There's nothing worse than uncertainty and indifference.

Might God spare you this torture, people!


Waiting around's the worst of torments...


George Orwel. “1984”

George Orwell’s controversial futuristic novel “1984” is generally seen as a deliberately exaggerated parody on any authoritarian rule. The scene is set in the twentieth century London in of Oceania, a superstate which came into existence after a full-blown nuclear war. The society is built on a hierarchy of the three social layers: the High, meaning the Inner Party which is omnipotent, all-knowing and oppressive, the Middle, representing the Outer Party whose members are merely figureheads and the most intimidated of the three, and the Low who are the proles (i.e. proletarians in Newspeak) – the most ignorant and neglected, living their life below the poverty line. The main object of love, worship and inspiration is Big Brother, leader of the party.

The protagonist, Winston Smith, belongs to the Outer Party, and works in the Ministry of Truth which is, actually, the place where mass falsifications of facts take place as long as they don’t satisfy the Rulling Party or contradict Big Brother’s proclamations.

Winston pretends to be an exemplary, obedient citizen, but he is nursing doubts on the righteousness of the Party. Though not an acute observer he compares the events, which he witnessed personally, to their press accounts, and notices contradictions. Seeking to revive the events of long-ago he breaks the tenets of the ideology – Ingsoc. He starts a diary, plunges into an illicit love affair with a girl, searches for the legendary Brotherhood, what finally leads up to his arrest and harsh questioning in the Ministry of Love. After months of torture and starvation he denies his rebellious ideas and betrays his feelings to Julia. When released, he becomes a shuttered creature devoid of emotions and his initial beliefs. The only thing he knows: he loves Big Brother.

@темы: reading


A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'

So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!'. So he kicks over the garbage can and says 'That's Punk?', and I say 'No that's trendy!


@темы: funny slang, LOL, English


I just can't put up with this sham and pretence! I don't believe a single word he says. And the major question is WHY. Why not tell them the truth? Isn't it what they want to see in the article? It'll remain an unconceivable mystery forever why one should hush up and disguise the imperfections of our society in the face of our rivals? Silly arrogance, assumed patriotism and nothing more. If your system of education sucks, why not be honest.

@темы: doubts nagging me


So many greetings from my dear folks. And not a single line from you, sweety. I appreciate my being "one of the right fellows", but damn it! It's not all about this only. I must've leaked to you a bit more than I should have.
Ok then. If I got you right, it's no use waiting for you to make up your mind.
It's always better not to expect more. I did not, and thus I'm spared bitter disillusionment at your indifference, dear lad. I'm so very much like you. God, at times it scares me out of my wits!

Nocturnal Fancy